Bad Pedagogy at Home Depot

After a two-hour workout, I decided to meet Meredith at the Home Depot so we could learn how to tile our bathroom. I was tired, sore, and hungry, so my brain was translating the aluminum bleacher's texture at the talk site as doubly uncomfortable.

Anyway, Home-Depot-Tile-Guy arrived and removed two largish plastic soda bottles from a grocery bag. I got worried after he had done that because that meant he was going to teach for a long time. He then basically asked the twelve of us seated on the benches if we had any questions.

Uh . . . yeah? Lots? Maybe you should direct the order of your talk a little better?

So then insane-million-question-lady-in-the-front-row starts asking questions about her house, how to build a shower, how to tile a jacuzzi, how to tile the underside of her car, how to tile her cat. I mean, SHUT UP!!!! Insane-million-question-lady-in-the-front-row kept going on and on. When people had their own questions, insane-million-question-lady-in-the-front-row would cut them off, throw in a question, REALIZE that it wasn't related to the topic at hand, and then proceed to rephrase a question so it would fit her problem. Half the time she didn't even know what topic we were on. The other people on the bleachers were rolling their eyes. If I had hair on my head, I'd have pulled it out.

We ended up leaving the session early, but the damage had been done. I'd been put in a foul mood.

This is for the insane-million-question-lady-in-the-front-row:

Do-it-yourself is not for people who need to work on life skills first.


And this is for the Home-Depot-Tile-Guy:

1. Have a planned trajectory for your talk
2. Allow for questions if they're on topic. If they're not, politely tell the questioner that you'd be happy to speak with them after the session.
3. Keep the session on time.
4. Actually DEMONSTRATE how to tile instead of giving us product pitches.

(pissy mode off)

***

Students wrote pantoums in my poetry class. Funny form. The danger of it is you've really really really got to have some damn fine lines worth hearing more than once.

They're writing ghazals now. I hope Agha Shahid approves wherever he is.

The last two forms will be the villanelle and the sestina. Please give me the strength.

***

The last of the job candidates comes on Monday. I hear somewhere some school's conducting six searches in the same department. Talk about cruelty! One's hard enough!

***

PJ Harvey is in heavy rotation on the iPod.

The Worst Diet Ever.

I am now on the Worst Diet Ever.

The good news is I've shed some pounds on this diet. The bad news is I'll probably be on the diet for a few more weeks.

No chocolate. No dairy. No baked goods. No seafood.

Just oatmeal oatmeal oatmeal and oatmeal.

***

I finished my WWU Magnum Opus: my semi-annual tenure review dossier. This go around felt very weighty. I filled a large 3-ring binder. When I taught at Utica College, I don't remember filling such a big binder.

***

Tree guys came by to give an estimate on the damage. It's not looking good for our checkbooks. I may just have to clean up the mess myself.

***

I haven't been writing much poetry these days, which is okay. I've been thinking a lot about form. Seems my students are enjoying the challenge. We'll see how long THAT lasts . . . MUWAHAHA!